Tuesday, August 22, 2006
im in panaga right now feeling extremely bored and lonelyy!!..crap so tot id blogg..ahhaa
well been just trying to pass dayss..oh yeah i went for masss last sunday..i wass soo happyy when i came out its like for the first time in a long time i felt completely comfortable and immersed in evrythingg..it felt reallyy gooodd to just accept past mistakes and just allow myself to say the past is the past and itss time to move forward from evrything....i mean it wasnt all badd...i guess thats been my motto recently...just cuz if feell sum things are slipping off my fingers and i cant control any of it or maybee im just too afraid..i guess i just dun know what to do anymore im wtaching sumthingg that i loveee so dearly slip away and im just too afraid to wanna save itt..i know its stupid but what am i suppose to do put myself in another vulnerable position...i wish i could turn back timee and just erase sum moments but i cantt...no one will truly understand what im going thru..sumtimes i say to myself i wish u were still here to love me but then i see u slipping away from me...i guess thatss da hardest part cuz even now looking at you seemss so hardd and trying to put on a brave face is even harder..i know im seriously tip-toeing over evrythingg cuz if not i may realise that i still love you and that will be harder than anything ive been thru cuz i see that ur not there anymore.
this is her telling her side*
well been just trying to pass dayss..oh yeah i went for masss last sunday..i wass soo happyy when i came out its like for the first time in a long time i felt completely comfortable and immersed in evrythingg..it felt reallyy gooodd to just accept past mistakes and just allow myself to say the past is the past and itss time to move forward from evrything....i mean it wasnt all badd...i guess thats been my motto recently...just cuz if feell sum things are slipping off my fingers and i cant control any of it or maybee im just too afraid..i guess i just dun know what to do anymore im wtaching sumthingg that i loveee so dearly slip away and im just too afraid to wanna save itt..i know its stupid but what am i suppose to do put myself in another vulnerable position...i wish i could turn back timee and just erase sum moments but i cantt...no one will truly understand what im going thru..sumtimes i say to myself i wish u were still here to love me but then i see u slipping away from me...i guess thatss da hardest part cuz even now looking at you seemss so hardd and trying to put on a brave face is even harder..i know im seriously tip-toeing over evrythingg cuz if not i may realise that i still love you and that will be harder than anything ive been thru cuz i see that ur not there anymore.
this is her telling her side*
Sunday, August 13, 2006
ello elloo..ok so ive kinda chilleedd.......sorry no censored..brb
Monday, August 07, 2006
FUCKING HEELLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVRYTHING IS SOOO FUCKEDDD!!!!!
what the fuck???...stop asking all the questions i cant answerrrrr...i feell so lost and i feell being punished for itt..im sorry i cant be perfect im sorrryy im not who u want me to beee..im osrrryyy if life is a total suck fest filledd with shyt that i cant control,,,i use to knwo where i was heading and how i should live my lifeeee...but evrything is soo fuckeddd...i jus cant deal with so many thingss at onceee... I AM NOT PERFECT and i neverrrr exclaimed that i wassssss!!....i make mistakess and im a freaking work in progress..why issit when i slip up anddd fall flat on my faceee evryone noticess how weak i am....
i cantt answer all ur questionzz cuz i dun have the answerss for it....its likeee if im being rude to you have u wonderedd wHYYYYYYY???????????????.....im trying not be a pushoverrr and let u stomp all overr meeeee and get stronggg but itsss soo harddd when the weight of evrything is one my shouldersss.. people always ask me to chill... I think people just need to chill...im glad that im going maybe then ppl will be happier and stop writing up the listt...WHY VANESSA ISNT PERFECT?
what the fuck???...stop asking all the questions i cant answerrrrr...i feell so lost and i feell being punished for itt..im sorry i cant be perfect im sorrryy im not who u want me to beee..im osrrryyy if life is a total suck fest filledd with shyt that i cant control,,,i use to knwo where i was heading and how i should live my lifeeee...but evrything is soo fuckeddd...i jus cant deal with so many thingss at onceee... I AM NOT PERFECT and i neverrrr exclaimed that i wassssss!!....i make mistakess and im a freaking work in progress..why issit when i slip up anddd fall flat on my faceee evryone noticess how weak i am....
i cantt answer all ur questionzz cuz i dun have the answerss for it....its likeee if im being rude to you have u wonderedd wHYYYYYYY???????????????.....im trying not be a pushoverrr and let u stomp all overr meeeee and get stronggg but itsss soo harddd when the weight of evrything is one my shouldersss.. people always ask me to chill... I think people just need to chill...im glad that im going maybe then ppl will be happier and stop writing up the listt...WHY VANESSA ISNT PERFECT?
Sunday, August 06, 2006
i need to slap veetash.....i had absolutely no ideA WHAT to blog abt and like when i read her blog it was soo inspirational cuzzzzz she typess alot anddd im hrrmm!i wanna blogg lke vee-tash..so for today 07/07/2006..veenah G. is my source of inspiration...hhahaha
i stopped skul last thursday and it feelsss pweeety weird....it wass a fun last day tho in comparison to the one in st.johns where i basicalllyy cried non stop freaking kyle and farid the mostt!!....hehhe..i skipped class the whole day except for chemistry cuz i wanted to see fatin lee shien and zuzu for te last time in mr.rolands classs...well anyways when i was in the cafeteria evryone started playing carah kaki!!!..it wass soo fun cuz we were screaming and running aroud and no one careddd except for somee pre u2 studentsss but pffhh..it wass sweet...i guess i didt get emotional cuz ive never realllyy ever felt like i was part of the skul to begin with.when i say MY skul it wil alwes and alwess mean ST.JOHNS schooll...tho it wasnt perfect cuz we basically trashed talk evry single part of the skul.itsss stilll perfect in itss own lil lopsided way =)
i went to bandar this morning and did my final medical check up..luckily no needlesss which i wass ecstatic about cuzz injectionss arent sexy..hHAHA..and then went to MOE to send in formss..gosh my uncle is a freaky driver..cuz when he wanted to turn the junction he couldnt see if there were cars cuz a huge truck blocking his view which he said reminded him of a housee..ahahha...so anywayss he justtt came out and anyways and this black almost crashedd into my car..damn that was sooooooooooo scary..its funny how i was soo scared that i started laughingg..nutss!!
i just realiseddd i hate airportssss!!!!...i picked up my sister from the airport that day and i just was feeling overwhelmed with evrything thatss beenn happening that i just broke down rite theere..preetyy random but i cant help it..i dunno what else to do,,,life has turned a 360 on me and im jst left to wonder what the helll happened...i was soo sure of where i was heading then all when it came tumblin down..i realiseddd maybee i was disillusioned by evrythingg......itss funny how GOD worksss taht way......
evrythinggs gonna be ok.
i stopped skul last thursday and it feelsss pweeety weird....it wass a fun last day tho in comparison to the one in st.johns where i basicalllyy cried non stop freaking kyle and farid the mostt!!....hehhe..i skipped class the whole day except for chemistry cuz i wanted to see fatin lee shien and zuzu for te last time in mr.rolands classs...well anyways when i was in the cafeteria evryone started playing carah kaki!!!..it wass soo fun cuz we were screaming and running aroud and no one careddd except for somee pre u2 studentsss but pffhh..it wass sweet...i guess i didt get emotional cuz ive never realllyy ever felt like i was part of the skul to begin with.when i say MY skul it wil alwes and alwess mean ST.JOHNS schooll...tho it wasnt perfect cuz we basically trashed talk evry single part of the skul.itsss stilll perfect in itss own lil lopsided way =)
i went to bandar this morning and did my final medical check up..luckily no needlesss which i wass ecstatic about cuzz injectionss arent sexy..hHAHA..and then went to MOE to send in formss..gosh my uncle is a freaky driver..cuz when he wanted to turn the junction he couldnt see if there were cars cuz a huge truck blocking his view which he said reminded him of a housee..ahahha...so anywayss he justtt came out and anyways and this black almost crashedd into my car..damn that was sooooooooooo scary..its funny how i was soo scared that i started laughingg..nutss!!
i just realiseddd i hate airportssss!!!!...i picked up my sister from the airport that day and i just was feeling overwhelmed with evrything thatss beenn happening that i just broke down rite theere..preetyy random but i cant help it..i dunno what else to do,,,life has turned a 360 on me and im jst left to wonder what the helll happened...i was soo sure of where i was heading then all when it came tumblin down..i realiseddd maybee i was disillusioned by evrythingg......itss funny how GOD worksss taht way......
evrythinggs gonna be ok.
i hvae nuthing to blog abt ....except i like greeen =)
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