Friday, September 29, 2006
i had a higher education nite last nite at skul and they were talking abt uni
personal statements and evrything just got me all nervous and i went to the talk given by mr.fricker about oxbridge and gosh all the skuls in cambridge
lookss soo prettty..hrmm hrmmm..mr.fricker is just the nicest man he brought cathrin and i to a catholic church cus i was lookin for one just to see
how it was..hes just reallly nicee!!..anyways im just going to an evangelical
church which is alsoo realllyy goodd...basicalllyy all churches are the same if its abt being a good person and loving GOD its all the same...
anyways i went for a talk just now and this gurl gave a presentation on philosophy and she was talking abt this philosopher that sed sumthing likee....all humanss were born free but held down by chainss and howw in reality all our moralss and valuess are the essence of the human self ..it wass reallly inresting and thought provoking i cant explain what she said exactly but all i know it was realllyy interestingg...hrmm hrmm..i called brian just now for awhile just cuz i felt like toking to that retard..i have no idea what we were talking about but we just kept on laughing and he sed he was gonna call me so he better call me...
to actuallly get into cambridge u need get 4 A gradess and im like wow!!..i wanna get into cambridge but i have to work my ass s off anywayss its reallly great to have dreamss but itss another to put it into action..so yeah i mite learn spanish!!...im completellyy bored right now cuz im just in cathrinss room and bloggingg..i should get startedd on work..i dun have much to do actuallly..hehehe......we´re just getting fat eating christmas cakes and jellly beanss...i have two weekss more then it´ll be my midterm break and il be going to brunei hall and Pariss!!..i fnallllyy get to seee the eiffel tower and im gonna go to paris disneylandd!!!...ahahha..how cutee is thatt!!...ahahaha on my 18th birthdayy!!!!...damn il be turning 18 soon and this feellss damn weirdd cuss i feeell sooo old nowww!!!
sumtimes i just get in this reallly bitchhyy mooodd where like i cannot be bothered to talk to anyone and just want evryone to shutt up cuss im just in my own world and just realllyy depressedd!!.....i just wannaa be happpyy and i sayy it like itss sumthing easy to achieve!!..when evryone on earth is ultimately seeking that fulfillment and tthat one thing willl fill that void in thier livess i wonder what it would be like if we had all the answerss we needed and evrthing that we wanted_??i wonder what lifee would be like...if there were no more tearss,sadness,anger,envy and all those thingss..i misss brunei and i miss homee.....hrmm hrmm..i keeeppp dreaming about being back home that soundss abit crazyy but itss like my spirit driftss back to brunei when i go to sleeepp and i actuallyy dream about being home and acting as if i never even left and even now its beenn a month that im here that it takes me by surprise when i have a wave of memoriess passin thru my mindd that i just feel liek..itss sumthing soo real but so far from my reach..im not making sensee to manyy but to few and myslef i feell that i am making sensee...sumtimes i just wish i didnt leave brunei with so manyy thingss unsettledd.....
personal statements and evrything just got me all nervous and i went to the talk given by mr.fricker about oxbridge and gosh all the skuls in cambridge
lookss soo prettty..hrmm hrmmm..mr.fricker is just the nicest man he brought cathrin and i to a catholic church cus i was lookin for one just to see
how it was..hes just reallly nicee!!..anyways im just going to an evangelical
church which is alsoo realllyy goodd...basicalllyy all churches are the same if its abt being a good person and loving GOD its all the same...
anyways i went for a talk just now and this gurl gave a presentation on philosophy and she was talking abt this philosopher that sed sumthing likee....all humanss were born free but held down by chainss and howw in reality all our moralss and valuess are the essence of the human self ..it wass reallly inresting and thought provoking i cant explain what she said exactly but all i know it was realllyy interestingg...hrmm hrmm..i called brian just now for awhile just cuz i felt like toking to that retard..i have no idea what we were talking about but we just kept on laughing and he sed he was gonna call me so he better call me...
to actuallly get into cambridge u need get 4 A gradess and im like wow!!..i wanna get into cambridge but i have to work my ass s off anywayss its reallly great to have dreamss but itss another to put it into action..so yeah i mite learn spanish!!...im completellyy bored right now cuz im just in cathrinss room and bloggingg..i should get startedd on work..i dun have much to do actuallly..hehehe......we´re just getting fat eating christmas cakes and jellly beanss...i have two weekss more then it´ll be my midterm break and il be going to brunei hall and Pariss!!..i fnallllyy get to seee the eiffel tower and im gonna go to paris disneylandd!!!...ahahha..how cutee is thatt!!...ahahaha on my 18th birthdayy!!!!...damn il be turning 18 soon and this feellss damn weirdd cuss i feeell sooo old nowww!!!
sumtimes i just get in this reallly bitchhyy mooodd where like i cannot be bothered to talk to anyone and just want evryone to shutt up cuss im just in my own world and just realllyy depressedd!!.....i just wannaa be happpyy and i sayy it like itss sumthing easy to achieve!!..when evryone on earth is ultimately seeking that fulfillment and tthat one thing willl fill that void in thier livess i wonder what it would be like if we had all the answerss we needed and evrthing that we wanted_??i wonder what lifee would be like...if there were no more tearss,sadness,anger,envy and all those thingss..i misss brunei and i miss homee.....hrmm hrmm..i keeeppp dreaming about being back home that soundss abit crazyy but itss like my spirit driftss back to brunei when i go to sleeepp and i actuallyy dream about being home and acting as if i never even left and even now its beenn a month that im here that it takes me by surprise when i have a wave of memoriess passin thru my mindd that i just feel liek..itss sumthing soo real but so far from my reach..im not making sensee to manyy but to few and myslef i feell that i am making sensee...sumtimes i just wish i didnt leave brunei with so manyy thingss unsettledd.....
Sunday, September 24, 2006
hey hey...look at mee bloggingg!!..alalal..im such a lucky star cuzz my internet workss and now i can feeel lke im connected to the worldd agenn ok thattt soundss sooo baddd but trulyy i feell so disconnctedd from life..hrmm hrmmm...
anywaysss i cahhted to veenah today and it was the funniest thing cuzz we keptt sending voice messagess!!..i misss herr!!!..dude mann..love u loadss..ahahaha..yah i just proposed to u in the most romantic way n friendster..thankss for saying yes...eheh...anywayssss if u can helpme with my ssite.cuzz my layoutt sukcss noww.its hates mee!!
soo anyays the funniest thingg happened to my frenn yesterdayy well we boiught hair dye cuz she wanted to dye her hairr brown or black cuzz she had blonde hair...so finallly when we got backk she dyed her hair and the colour turnedd purple and pink..so her hair is noww slightlyy grey pink and purple...ahahaha..it was the funniest thing..she was screaming her head off on how she hatedd UK and she was swearing in german....ehehhe...laura and i just kept laughing..eeheh..oh yeah i went to watch a musical last nte...beauty and the beast and it wass sooo gooodd i was sooo so happyy to be theree...likeee there were only 5 ppl in the whole show but they managed to puulll off a 2hour production and their voices are sooo soooo gooodd,,hehehe....damnnn evrythingg is quitee inspiring...ehehe
wellll...i mite volunteer at the local hospital here cuz theirr short staffedd cuz ppl are getting fired..damn im sooo sooo upset that i cant play tennnissss..cuz the tenniss center is sooo far AWAYY!!!..itsss likee i cant walk there..and it sucksss cuz i miss playing tennis sooo sooo much i feeell im gonnnaa explode..nadi was right itss as iff sumthing inside of u have to be unleashedd if u dun play for tooo long..thatss a bitt psychoticc.anywaysss i just feell like im getting fat!!..aaha..hope noTTT...anywayss.. i like my politicsss classs cuzz my teacherr is the nicest man!!..hes soo encouraging...ehehe..anhwyass i have to do somw work..shyt i had the wholee weekend to do it..but ive beenn pre occupied with thingsss.. =(...
love u all...i misss my brunei peeeppsss old and new...each and evryonee bringss sumthingg different and even that we seem to mesh into onee bigg work of artt!!...hugzzz
anywaysss i cahhted to veenah today and it was the funniest thing cuzz we keptt sending voice messagess!!..i misss herr!!!..dude mann..love u loadss..ahahaha..yah i just proposed to u in the most romantic way n friendster..thankss for saying yes...eheh...anywayssss if u can helpme with my ssite.cuzz my layoutt sukcss noww.its hates mee!!
soo anyays the funniest thingg happened to my frenn yesterdayy well we boiught hair dye cuz she wanted to dye her hairr brown or black cuzz she had blonde hair...so finallly when we got backk she dyed her hair and the colour turnedd purple and pink..so her hair is noww slightlyy grey pink and purple...ahahaha..it was the funniest thing..she was screaming her head off on how she hatedd UK and she was swearing in german....ehehhe...laura and i just kept laughing..eeheh..oh yeah i went to watch a musical last nte...beauty and the beast and it wass sooo gooodd i was sooo so happyy to be theree...likeee there were only 5 ppl in the whole show but they managed to puulll off a 2hour production and their voices are sooo soooo gooodd,,hehehe....damnnn evrythingg is quitee inspiring...ehehe
wellll...i mite volunteer at the local hospital here cuz theirr short staffedd cuz ppl are getting fired..damn im sooo sooo upset that i cant play tennnissss..cuz the tenniss center is sooo far AWAYY!!!..itsss likee i cant walk there..and it sucksss cuz i miss playing tennis sooo sooo much i feeell im gonnnaa explode..nadi was right itss as iff sumthing inside of u have to be unleashedd if u dun play for tooo long..thatss a bitt psychoticc.anywaysss i just feell like im getting fat!!..aaha..hope noTTT...anywayss.. i like my politicsss classs cuzz my teacherr is the nicest man!!..hes soo encouraging...ehehe..anhwyass i have to do somw work..shyt i had the wholee weekend to do it..but ive beenn pre occupied with thingsss.. =(...
love u all...i misss my brunei peeeppsss old and new...each and evryonee bringss sumthingg different and even that we seem to mesh into onee bigg work of artt!!...hugzzz
Monday, September 11, 2006
i miss the thingss which are out of reach
i miss the momentss that have passed and moved on
i miss what i use to believe
i misss knowing what to do next....
i missssss having clarity in my lifeee...
i misss being completely happyy to be in the momentt...
evrythingg has changedd and my heart is soo heavy
a place i cant call my own
alwayss aware and alert when all i want is to escape
the fearss that seem to increasee...
why am i so afraid?...
let me take this risk and see where i end up
i miss the momentss that have passed and moved on
i miss what i use to believe
i misss knowing what to do next....
i missssss having clarity in my lifeee...
i misss being completely happyy to be in the momentt...
evrythingg has changedd and my heart is soo heavy
a place i cant call my own
alwayss aware and alert when all i want is to escape
the fearss that seem to increasee...
why am i so afraid?...
let me take this risk and see where i end up
Saturday, September 09, 2006
*living the life of contradictions.....
well itss been a weeekk since i got here...i guess im getting use to the environment now....im getting use to walking to school and waking up at 715 am but the sound of a siren...ahahah,....which iss sooo retardedd by the way...it makess u like soo damnnn shockedd that ur awakee for the whole day...eheheh...im still havingg all homesicknessss momentss of cuz their alwes and alwess gonnaa be there cuz i mean if im not home im gonnaa miss it definitely...so yeah...my mumss birthday is next week and it suckss that i cant be with her...and missing my dadd=(....and my brotherss and sisterss.....it suckss cuz i just realised i may have taken them for granted just cuz i knew they were alwes gonna be there but noww i just feell soo sad that their not..=(....home is where my heeart is
so today i went to milton keyens which has the longest mall in the whole wide world...ahaha..we had to go by buss!!!..so my 2 new german frenss cathrin and laura came along with me...we had absolutely no ideaa how the bus system workss here but we went anyways..we got into thiss buss and got off at a station we werent suppose to ..ahaha..so we were like what the hell...weherss the mall?...cuz we were basicalllyy in the middle of nowehere...then we asked around and realised we weren suppose to get off cuz the bus wouldve brought us straight to it..ahah..anyways..we did shopping!!..they brought me to this placee called H&M which apparently is the most famous store in whole of europe and they were shocked that i didnt knw it..ahahah..anywyas..yep yepp..prettyyy fun....
oh yeh.....im going to london next week with my seniorss from brunei and that'll be so fun cuz im going to brunei hall cant wait to see sum bruneianss soundss weirdd but i relllyy cant...hahhah...im soo looking for ward to next month now..u know why cuz my sis is comingg..aHH..love her sooo much she was actuallyy planning to go melbourne end of the year but cuzz she knew il damn depresseddd during my mid term break shss flying overr here and we're gonnaa PARIS!!...aahaha..oh my gosh..ok my ultimate ultimate dream placeee to go is definitely and absolutely pariss.....the excitement didnt exactly sink in when she told me cuz i drowned in tearss when she was toking to me...anywass..then after a month and a half il be coming back to bruneii soo sooo sooo happpyy...i dun caree im telling you even if i have to go on my own i am coming bak!!...i told jennyy that even if the airport shutss down il just start walking homee..ahahaha..or like fly a plane on my own..ahahahaha...
im in politicss class now and itss actuallyy reallyy interesting..the teacher mr.griffithss is rellly cool and we're maybe planning a trip to brunei!!...ahahaha...cuzz i was just talkingg abt brunei and evrything and evryone was just soo ampedd on goingg..which would be soo fun..cuz it'll be a paid trip...but we'll see what happenss cuz im still deciding whether or not im gonna stick with this subject...hrmmm...oh my gosh...cathrin and i did the funniest thingg yesterday...welll at nite this gurl laura was watchingg i know what u did last summer and she got soo sooo freakedd out...so beforee we alll went to bedd we justttt exploded into laurass room and she screamedd sooooooooooooooooooo loud that the whole boarding house heard it which was soo funnyy.....oh yeah theress thiss gurl vanessa from hongkong also in this housee...she just bought new underwear so was walkin arounddd in tights and her underwear like superman style!!..a.ahahaha it was a hot pink undewear..and we're like why ARE U WEARING THAT??...AHAHAH...and she goes like its the new fashion in hongkongg..and u wonder why her name is also VANESSA!!..COINCIDENCE?..ahahahaa...house filled with retardss....my room here is minute and im actually sharing it...whhich makes it even worse CUZ im not the cleanest girl in the world so imagine the state of my room...
i hatee pierre zul they all..YOU SUCK!!!.we're alll suppose to go singapore then all of a sudden change plan i HATEE YOUU!!!..soo mean...anak biadapp..yeah just had to say that.!!VEENAH U SKANK U BETTER WRITE ME AN EMAIL!!...AND DIL U SLUT BETTER WRITE ME EMAIL toooo...AHAHAHAHA....and u know im saying thiss in a loving way=)
my skul is next to a real life prison!!!!!!!..and u can see their compound frommy bio class...can u plsss exlain to mee why that is ssooo????..nice neighbourhood huh..
well itss been a weeekk since i got here...i guess im getting use to the environment now....im getting use to walking to school and waking up at 715 am but the sound of a siren...ahahah,....which iss sooo retardedd by the way...it makess u like soo damnnn shockedd that ur awakee for the whole day...eheheh...im still havingg all homesicknessss momentss of cuz their alwes and alwess gonnaa be there cuz i mean if im not home im gonnaa miss it definitely...so yeah...my mumss birthday is next week and it suckss that i cant be with her...and missing my dadd=(....and my brotherss and sisterss.....it suckss cuz i just realised i may have taken them for granted just cuz i knew they were alwes gonna be there but noww i just feell soo sad that their not..=(....home is where my heeart is
so today i went to milton keyens which has the longest mall in the whole wide world...ahaha..we had to go by buss!!!..so my 2 new german frenss cathrin and laura came along with me...we had absolutely no ideaa how the bus system workss here but we went anyways..we got into thiss buss and got off at a station we werent suppose to ..ahaha..so we were like what the hell...weherss the mall?...cuz we were basicalllyy in the middle of nowehere...then we asked around and realised we weren suppose to get off cuz the bus wouldve brought us straight to it..ahah..anyways..we did shopping!!..they brought me to this placee called H&M which apparently is the most famous store in whole of europe and they were shocked that i didnt knw it..ahahah..anywyas..yep yepp..prettyyy fun....
oh yeh.....im going to london next week with my seniorss from brunei and that'll be so fun cuz im going to brunei hall cant wait to see sum bruneianss soundss weirdd but i relllyy cant...hahhah...im soo looking for ward to next month now..u know why cuz my sis is comingg..aHH..love her sooo much she was actuallyy planning to go melbourne end of the year but cuzz she knew il damn depresseddd during my mid term break shss flying overr here and we're gonnaa PARIS!!...aahaha..oh my gosh..ok my ultimate ultimate dream placeee to go is definitely and absolutely pariss.....the excitement didnt exactly sink in when she told me cuz i drowned in tearss when she was toking to me...anywass..then after a month and a half il be coming back to bruneii soo sooo sooo happpyy...i dun caree im telling you even if i have to go on my own i am coming bak!!...i told jennyy that even if the airport shutss down il just start walking homee..ahahaha..or like fly a plane on my own..ahahahaha...
im in politicss class now and itss actuallyy reallyy interesting..the teacher mr.griffithss is rellly cool and we're maybe planning a trip to brunei!!...ahahaha...cuzz i was just talkingg abt brunei and evrything and evryone was just soo ampedd on goingg..which would be soo fun..cuz it'll be a paid trip...but we'll see what happenss cuz im still deciding whether or not im gonna stick with this subject...hrmmm...oh my gosh...cathrin and i did the funniest thingg yesterday...welll at nite this gurl laura was watchingg i know what u did last summer and she got soo sooo freakedd out...so beforee we alll went to bedd we justttt exploded into laurass room and she screamedd sooooooooooooooooooo loud that the whole boarding house heard it which was soo funnyy.....oh yeah theress thiss gurl vanessa from hongkong also in this housee...she just bought new underwear so was walkin arounddd in tights and her underwear like superman style!!..a.ahahaha it was a hot pink undewear..and we're like why ARE U WEARING THAT??...AHAHAH...and she goes like its the new fashion in hongkongg..and u wonder why her name is also VANESSA!!..COINCIDENCE?..ahahahaa...house filled with retardss....my room here is minute and im actually sharing it...whhich makes it even worse CUZ im not the cleanest girl in the world so imagine the state of my room...
i hatee pierre zul they all..YOU SUCK!!!.we're alll suppose to go singapore then all of a sudden change plan i HATEE YOUU!!!..soo mean...anak biadapp..yeah just had to say that.!!VEENAH U SKANK U BETTER WRITE ME AN EMAIL!!...AND DIL U SLUT BETTER WRITE ME EMAIL toooo...AHAHAHAHA....and u know im saying thiss in a loving way=)
my skul is next to a real life prison!!!!!!!..and u can see their compound frommy bio class...can u plsss exlain to mee why that is ssooo????..nice neighbourhood huh..
Sunday, September 03, 2006
So here I am in UK, Bedford. I cant believe I’m here.. Everything is so foreign here and all I wanted do is runaway and be back home with all the people that I love so much .. i cant stand being away from home.. Have u ever felt like u just cant being in your skin and just need to not be who u are for that moment well yeah that’s how I feel most of the time… im counting the days till I come back cuz at this moment I just cant take it…
At the airport it was really horrible I mean my whole family was there and frenss like wani zul scott Pierre john johnathan and like tonness of SA students came.damn I was crying like a retard..i couldn’t handle any of it…the hardest part was when I was about to leave and all of us was likee in a big group and we started singing the song leaving on a jet plane like all of us…it was pretty funny cuz we were singing so loud and the hardest part was when I hugged my mum and I had to let go of her and say goodbye to all my aunties,counsins,brothers and my sista…it felt like I was being ripped out of my life and forced to survive on my own ,walking away from them to the passport check in was one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced.i love all of you..
I had a 15 hour flight which was surprisingly comfortable cuz I slept through the whole way .i sat next to this irisha quer sentir a tristeza numa musa.
At the airport it was really horrible I mean my whole family was there and frenss like wani zul scott Pierre john johnathan and like tonness of SA students came.damn I was crying like a retard..i couldn’t handle any of it…the hardest part was when I was about to leave and all of us was likee in a big group and we started singing the song leaving on a jet plane like all of us…it was pretty funny cuz we were singing so loud and the hardest part was when I hugged my mum and I had to let go of her and say goodbye to all my aunties,counsins,brothers and my sista…it felt like I was being ripped out of my life and forced to survive on my own ,walking away from them to the passport check in was one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced.i love all of you..
I had a 15 hour flight which was surprisingly comfortable cuz I slept through the whole way .i sat next to this irisha quer sentir a tristeza numa musa.
